Since faith is one, it must be professed in all its purity and integrity". Pope Francis/Pope Benedict
email:torontocatholicwitness@rogers.com

Friday, 2 January 2015

The Adventures of Fr. Aidan McNutty: Enter Cardinal "X"

Chapter.6 [we continue our story, after many, many months....] 

Archbishop Rupert Weakling sat in the Rome Hilton breakfast lounge. The Archbishop was waiting to meet a certain Cardinal "X", whom Msgr. Fabrizzi had assured him would put "exquisite pressure" on the Supreme Pontiff, so as not to obstruct the persecution of Catholics loyal to Tradition. 

Weakling had just finished a yogurt and was sipping an expresso coffee, when Fabrizzi approached him accompanied by a sinister looking, middle-aged man in a dark suit and sunglasses. 'Vaclav', he was told, would drive them both to a secret rendezvous with Cardinal "X" at a posh villa just outside Rome. Weakling, paid his bill (but left no tip) and lighting a cigarette strode off with the two men.

The Mercedes AMG S550 swerved through the congested streets of Rome, being driven expertly by 'Vaclav'. It was obvious that such skill had been acquired by many an occasion that required sudden getaways. 'Vaclav', Fabrizzi told the Archbishop, had moved to Rome to assist certain members of the Curia in facilitating their points with doubting lesser clerics. In fact, Fabrizzi told the very impressed Weakling, 'Vaclav' had acted as translator when the same Cardinal "X" had visited the schismatic self-styled 'Patriarch' of Moscow, Alexei II.

Throughout the drive, Weakling puffed on his cigarette through a filtered silver-tip. The jeweled piece had been given to him at an ecumenical gathering a few years ago by a lapsed priest who had decided to take up with a band of animists from small-town USA. Weakling liked these kind of surprise happenings; it made him a big hit with fellow bishops and a darling of the media.

Weakling's day-dreaming came to an abrubt end as 'Vaclav' screeched the car to a halt at a red light. Generally, the Czech mobster would have driven through; however, today it would have been rather risky considering the ecclesiastic cargo that he was transporting.

Seeing the Vatican license plates, the Carabinieri obligingly signalled the limo on, and 'Vaclav' quickly slammed his enormous foot to the accelerator, thrusting the car onto the main motorway heading out of town and north towards Florence at 180 km per hour.

'Vaclav' passed cars one after another as he charged towards his destination, pressing the Mercedes to its limit. Inside, Fabrizzi was busy mixing cocktails for himself and his episcopal friend. Suddenly, the car lurched and Fabrizzi tilted violently sideways, bumping Weakling and spilling his drink all over the Archbishop's exquisite cassock. For the occasion, Weakling felt that a 'traditional' mode of raiment would add a touch of irony, something that this foul toad felt appropriate, given his mission to attack the Mass.

Cursing, Weakling desperately began to brush off the offending gin, whilst Fabrizzi offered rebuffed apologies. "You buffoon", finished the egomaniacal Archbishop. The two men continued in silence, whilst 'Vaclav' tuned into 'Radio Stalin', a local programme out of Minsk, White Russia, that could be picked up on the car's super-sophisticated radio system. The remainder of the journey consisted of poetry set to accordion music, along with political commentary on the glories of Marxist atheism.

Suddenly, 'Vaclav' pulled off the motorway and began taking the car up a long and winding road; turning left, 'Vaclav' continued on another two or so miles, when in the distance the three men could see a beautiful villa perfectly set in the Italian countryside. As they neared, they could see heavily armed guards at the locked entrance. After a few words in Russian from 'Vaclav', the electronically controlled gate was opened and the Mercedes elegantly stopped a few feet before the oak double-fronted door. 

Staff opened the rear car doors, and out got Weakling and Fabrizzi. Weakling barely had time to adjust his cassock, when coming out to greet them from the Roman Curia were no less then Cardinals....... !!! "Oh my", gasped an astounded Weakling, nearly loosing his breath at the sight of Cardinal "X" strolling towards him.

to be continued

1 comment:

Freyr said...

Your "so called" post is filled with weasel words. The Patriarch of Moscow is in schism but he is not "self styled" in the way Pope Michael of Kansas is "self styled".