Since faith is one, it must be professed in all its purity and integrity". Pope Francis/Pope Benedict
email:torontocatholicwitness@rogers.com

Saturday, 6 July 2013

The Adventures of Fr. Aidan McNutty: His dark master's plan

Chapter IV: His Dark Master's Plan


With a flick of his wrist, Fr. Aidan McNutty raised the phone to hear the voice of his master, Archbishop Weakling respond to his, "yes".

"Amazing game, Aidan", interjected the modernist archbishop. "You know, Freddie's game is still as good as ever. Of course he has so much more time
now!" Hey, no more breviary, -- heck, Fred doesn't even pray anymore"!

McNutty, fiddling with his parishioner-funded, diamond-inlaid, Patek-Phillip wrist watch replied, "great that you are such good buddies. What about our problem here; and did you manage to get away from seeing Bergoglio"?

"Sure did. The old man has gone to pot. You know, he invited the bishops to
a lunch to talk about his ideas for revising the Synod! Who cares! I'd rather talk about the err, 'nightclubs'"! Weakling laughed derisively, as McNutty activated the no-hands speaker so that Algernon could hear and learn.

"Now, Aidan - listen. Call Teresa and tell her that Freddie's going to call several close friends in the Curia to deal with our problem. However, in the meantime, we should not rock the boat too much. That is: no direct confrontation. In the meantime, I want you to get moving with the sex-ed and the new religion course that I have just got my hands on"!

"What course?", asked McNutty, lighting an imported "cigarillo" and pouring himself an Oban. "Never you mind. The lines might be tapped. I've just faxed the whole thing,", retorted the pompous prelate.

"But.." interjected a confused Aidan. Suddenly the phone went dead and McNutty realized that he had to set about launching his dark master's plan.

Turning towards his understudy, Aidan spoke: "Algernon, we've got work to do. The traditionalists are on the attack and our reponse must be an even more blistering attack against them. We are NOT going to let them run the Church! We are in control!"

Grinding his teeth with rage, McNutty inhaled deeply on his drug, then gulped down the libation, only to pour himself another.

"Relax, suggested Algernon. "Relax"?, bellowed the agitated cathedral rector. "Relax, when those Catholics are undermining all we stand for? Do you realize Algernon that these people want to role back, oh I would guess a good fifty years work".

"But I thought the Second Vatican Council started in 196.."

"Shut up you fool" shouted an intoxicated McNutty. "Don't they teach you anything in the seminary? Didn't you learn about Schillebeeckx? Haven't you ever heard of the new 'new theology'? I realized that modernist priests were
dumb and didn't learn anything, but surely you learned more than... "Idiot", concluded the vile modernist cleric at the now chastened deacon.

"We were at work well before the Council. The Council was just the nexus point of revolution; the foot in the door was in place years before. I was a young lad then, but I remember the great men breaking through the Catholic
bastions", sneered McNutty.

Suddenly the door bell rang! It was Ms. Creant, the local feminist fanatic and priest hater. This detestable, trouser wearing hag, when not being ungainfully employed in the Ministry of Women's Rights (in other words, dear
reader, a partaker of 'white-collar' welfare) spent her time as Sr. Teresa Insane's liason for the local bishops synod.

Ms. Creant strode in attired in a pair of filthy jeans with a rip over one knee, dirty sandals on her feet, and wearing a t-shirt with the inscription: "Lesbo Power". In truth, a fully fledged geriatric hippie. "Rupert just called me an hour ago and told me to give you this", so saying, Ms. Creant placed a freshly faxed pile of papers before McNutty. "This stuff is amazing, Aidan. The kids will never know what hit them. We're actually making some of it mildly conservative, so as to fool any questioning parents. But believe me, by the time they leave school, these kids are going to be fully fledged pagans! Wow!"

McNutty eagerly grabbed the papers and said, "well, this stuff had better be
as good as you say, because you know about the trouble we are having."

"I'll be giving a speech about those people next week at De Chardin College, so believe me, I'll really hammer those bigots. Well, I've got to head off now. I'll be giving a lecture at the Catholic teachers college tomorrow- the subject is 'Advanced Feminist Studies'". With that, the frightful lesbian strode out and roared off into the distance on her diocese supplied motorbike.

"Amazing", coughed the admiring McNutty, as he puffed away on his "cigarillo".

No comments: