What doth it profit a man to attend Latin Masses, but not live like the Good Samaritan?
Email: torontocatholicwitness@outlook.com

Tuesday, 10 January 2017

BREAKING NEWS: Top secret memo on destroying the family by Archbishop Rupert Weakling

Parishioners of "Holy Smoke" parish

Witness brings to you a secret memo written by Archbishop Rupert Weakling to Holy Smoke Parish pastor, Fr. Aidan McNutty. The document was made available by the anti-heresy fighter, Fr. Dominic Vobiscum.


My dear Aidan,

Firstly, I wish to thank-you for all the destructive work you have done at the parish, Holy Smoke. I especially wish to congratulate you for all the hard work you are doing to destroy the young people. Is it not edifying when young people come to church on Sundays, and yet, in their daily lives, live like the "Gentiles"?

Just a few key reminders: do not forget that the young people are influenced by word and deed. Repeated sins, however small, will desensitize them quickly. Keep them in a corruptive environment. It may be a simple thing such as giving someone a rap CD or a movie with profanity. 

We are not just targeting the young; but also, and take care here: the parents in the parish. If we can continue to lull the parents into a sense that they are "practicing Catholics" just because they turn up in a pew on Sundays, then you have as much as got them. The parents will be seduced into the "good" life, and the youth naturally follow. It is human nature to take the easiest path. When the young see the parents as - in essence - nominal Christians, why would they ever not follow? Bad generals make bad foot soldiers.

If we consider Liguori's advice to parents, we can invert it and set as a general template what practical results we should be looking for in the young: parents, schools etc. should - indeed, must! - be encouraged to instill in the young a lively sense of vulgarity, obscenity, licentiousness. Nothing drags a young person away from Christianity as quickly as "impurity". We have a lot to work with: even a so-called saint is only flesh and by proximate occasions, he or she may become a devil. Never give up the work! 

Some practical advice: encourage the young to turn to celebrities as their idols; encourage indulgence in social media, etc. Facebook, Snapchat, Tinder, Badoo etc., are a marvelous fantasy tools for this. How ecstatic I become, Aidan, when you send me reports of veritable children behaving  like cheap tramps or tarts on social media! When I hear that they come from Catholic schools "in the Catholic tradition", with the sacraments and even Mass, we know that we are proceeding from triumph to triumph for the Evil One. 

What joy it brings me, to think of parents spending tens of thousands on their daughter's "traditional" Catholic education, when the same girl will end up as a cheap, whoring little tart. This is the delicious reality!

Now, if you can be fortunate to find a few double-faced parents, that is, active enablers of childrens' sin, all the better. It may come to chance that you may be blessed to strike upon a parent who perhaps has a psychological problem, or even a pathology. Here, there is a gold mine to work with. Human pride and psychological weaknesses must be exploited to the full. People should be encouraged to cause scandal and so on in the local church. The more the merrier. An old Spanish proverb, perhaps a bit colourful, is advisable here: encourage this monkey to climb his or her tree, but in doing so you keep well back. 

In closing, my dear Aidan, I am edified to hear your reports of the growing corruption of the youth in parochial Catholic schools. Truly I am edified. Indeed, much "work" merely entails allowing society and corrupt parents to do their work undisturbed. Encourage liberalism! You have so far excelled at that! 

Keep wearing your cassock; keep up the soft, sentimental, pious external practices. Even say the Latin Mass. Emphasize a sociological Christianity; if anything at all. Keep the Cross hidden from sight. No Cross, no salvation!

I remain, faithfully yours, 

Rupert Weakling


Lawrence and Susan Fox said...

Tremendous Spoof. I laughed hard until I realized it was REAL. Then we need to cry. God bless you. Susan Fox www.christsfaithfulwitness.com

Unknown said...

This is a spoof (albeit one that too closely mirrors reality).